Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Kon-El: Damn all of you power rings.

You know this power ring thing is gettin' a bit silly. Okay I was fine with the yellow rings I mean they were bad guys and yeah that was easy to get, but now they come in red, blue, orange violet, and whatever.

It's like Captain Planet meets the Power Rangers. The other day, I was hanging around Tim, and In the Batcave, and Jason Todd was skulking in the corner. I was looking over my shoulder at him “Does he live here now?"

"I'm... not sure." Tim shrugs.

At that moment two rings yes I said that right two rings tried to recruit him. “Jason Todd of sector 2814 you are the lover of a Green Lantern. Welcome to the Star Sapphire Corps."

That was a scary thought Star Sapphires dress like this.

I don't want to see Todd in that... no one wants to see that! The other one announced: "Jason Todd of sector 2814 you have great rage welcome to the Red Lantern Corps."

The two rings started blasting each the wrecking Batman's trophies like the giant penny, and dinosaur. Finally Jason gets that crowbar. “Gotham Crusaders best hitter is up to the plate..." apparently The Hood is under some kind of delusion...

“It’s a fast ball right over the plate! Todd slams it!" he hits the red ring with the Adamantium crowbar knocking it into the other one destroying both causing a weird light show and blowing up more of the cave. "Home run!"

Batman walks in looking at all the damage Tim points to Jason. “He did it!" and we run out of there. What's worse is one of those rings came after me.

No not a black one it's well one I'd never heard of before. I mean I’d been having a good day I beat One of Superman's lamer enemies terra Man , and I even got to sing "Rhinestone Cowboy" Then a pink ring flies in front of me.

“Conner Kent of sector 2814 you have the capacity for great lust welcome to the Pink Lantern Corps."

It flew on my finger, and I look in the mirror, and....

Nooooooo! I don't wanna go around dressed like a man whore version of the Pink Ranger. The ring declares. “Now prepare to go to the planet Caligula for lust training."

I dunno what that is but I know it'll end with me gettin' murdered by an angry Cassie Sandsmark. I try to take the ring off by hand but it refuses to go off. Damn not even with my strength can I remove it.

It keeps dragging me to planet Chlamydia, or where ever it was. One hope left... I gotta use my tactile telekinesis to shatter the ring. I concentrate on it, after giving me a little fight it finally shatters into pieces.

I fly back to Metropolis where everyone’s laughing. I look down... and

Stupid ring stripped me! I just flashed downtown Metropolis! Gah! This is karma for me laughing at HS' costume isn't it? I think I'll hide in the Fortress until this ring stuff is over.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Family Portraits

The worst thing you can do at the JLA Watchtower is Monitor Duty it has to be the most boring part of the JLA membership. I suppose that's why Batman called me at the Fortress on his night.

He was speaking of nothing at all mostly. Until finally he said “How do you get family portraits that don't look like crap? Look at that one over there. "

Bruce has no idea that before that was taken, Krypto ate Lois' purse, and Conner was in a head lock for taking some kind of video game toy from Kara, and five seconds after that Kara gave Conner an atomic wedgie.

"What's wrong with your pictures?"

Batman sighs. “Look at this one from a year ago..."

As you can see Clayface... and Manbat jumped into frame to attack."

"Why isn't Nightwing in it?" I ask.

"Hh. Some argument or other I can't remember."

Yeah right. If I know Bruce he remembers, but whatever it was is his fault.

“Why is Batgirl taller than Robin?" I change the subject

“Deaging ray it happens. Just a couple of days ago..." Batman continues. “Well Jason happened."

“What did he refuse to get in the picture?" I ask.

“No he did this." Batman growls.

“If you’re asking me how to control teenagers... well you have the wrong man." I admit. "Besides you had sidekicks long before I did... Batman what's wrong?"

"Starro's on Earth again we'll need to discuss this later."

Looks like I have to go back to work.