Saturday, October 27, 2007

Kon-EL: Bizarro weddings are teh suck

I have no idea why the heck I went to this bizarro wedding. I mean Superman warned me to avoid it. I should have known right off that things were gonna go bad. The flower girl threw crap on the church floor .

The usher kicked me in the balls. Lucky for me I'm invulnerable, And he didn't have adamntium gloves and years of training. I've gotta stop lettin' people hit me there.

Oh and worse this was the bride.

I started laughing . Man I haven't had a good laugh at all lately with Robin dating Cassie, and Bart dyin' and all. But this was just too hilarious.

" You am not laughing At Match's bride?" Match mumbles.

" Ha! Nah! Think she's too good for you." I chuckle.

Finally Match laughs. " Ha! This am Match's brilliant plan to trap you! Now me beat you!"

Oh cool! A fight. I've been needin' to work off some steam.

Then Inertia shouts " Wait this was all a plan to get into a fight with Superboy? I rented a damn tux!"

" No." match smiles "Am this not brilliant plan?"

" Oh come on!" Thadeus Thawne shouts in disgust " Ya coulda just asked him to step outside. Ya know what I went through ta get a date for this thing? I even went out with Bart's ugly freak of a girlfriend! Just to win some points with her hotter aunt! Damn it!"

" You do want help me fight Superboy?" Match asks.

" No! I mean maybe I would've if ya told me this was the plan but since I went through all this crap for nothing no sprokin' way! Grife! "

match charges me , but it seems he doesn't have a lot of his powers anymore just the same ones I have no invisibility or teleportation or TTK. Just the good ol' Superman powers an' I'm usin' them better since my brain ain't screwed up by bein' a Bizzaro, that and I've been doin' a lot of fight training before and since the tournament I was in.

He was taken down quick, and I leave this stupid planet Guffawing the whole way. Worst supervillian plan ever! Hey I think there's a planet with an awesome alien strip club on it, and the drinkin' age is like 15! Oh this is gonna be sweet!

Meanwhile. Inertia: " Hey wait! Superboy! Come back take me back to Earth! Damn It he can't hear me.. No wait. he has super hearing. That punk is ignorin' me!"

Match: " This is not good. You can no stay on Bizarro World, and be my worst pal for never, and never and..."

Inertia : "AAAAAAH!"

Friday, October 19, 2007

I have some questions

First. Why is Vampirella asleep in my Fortress?

Where are her clothes?

Who put her in here?

How did they get in?

Where are they now?

And what is with the mannequin dressed up like a ninja?

Good news is whoever put her here will come back I hope. And when they do I'll ask them about this. One last question. How do I explain this to Lois?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

It's my fault!!

Bart's dead because of me . If I hadn't have upset Joe Fixit. We wouldn't have ended uo hiding in that room, All three of us under a blanket. Or what I like to call creepy time. If I had Just taken my beating like a man, well.. it maybe I could have saved him.

It didn't matter that I escaped the Hulk or not because the commotion of the villains fighting us attracted him anyway. And he knocked me outta the building.

I put up a good fight, I zapped him with heat vision, Blew him up with TTK Then Finally froze him on the ground until i froze him with my breathe .

I thought it was over, until he shatters the ice. I just haul off and pop him one. He falls, and I keep doing it until finally my punches didn't affect him anymore. Then he just laughs. And beats me down.

" Ya know kid. It wouldn't have been so bad if ya didn't run , or scream like a little girl." i just moan, as he leaps off then when I stumble back into the motel room I find that Bart's dead.

I've been thinkin' about every Resurrection thing I know. Called Vella(Who's still pissed at me by the way.) And she said the Dragon balls can only be used once a year, and that still isn't up yet.

Everything else is out, because he's likely in the Speed Force , and not in any after life. Cassandra (Wonder Girl not Batgirl)wanted to talk about her relationship with Robin. Me I didn't even see any point anymore.

I mean I get it, I was dead, For all I know I coulda done it with Spoiler, I have like no memory of the aferlife. That and I ain't been exactly faithful since my return.

Maybe I should go to the Fortress Of Solitude see if there's anything there that can bring Bart back. I mean something there brought Supes back . Who knows? Just hope This place isn't overrun with Inertias from Tim's cloning experiments when I get back.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Kon: Augh!

Tim tricked me. And now I'm sleepin' in a bathtub.what's worse is Bart just keeps remindin' me that Tom And Cassie had somethin' goin' while I was dead. Which is why I don't feel so bad that I broke the knob off the radio in Tim's room, where it's stuck on a country station. He hates Country Music.

It has batteries in it that i used my TTK to fuse into the radio, then I welded it into the floor with heat vision. Heh. Enjoy Tim.

Man sleepin' in a tub sucks. I don't have enough room for my legs I broke the faucet with my head. A while ago. My freeze breathe stopped the Water from splashin' on my face, but now it's drippin' like a Chinese water torture.

Ya know If I was like superman, and only needed 3 or four hours of sleep a day this wouldn't be so bad. Nope I need 8 like evreyone else. Forget this! I'm gonna find some empty room and sleep in it instead of doin' this.

After usin' some X-ray vision I find one across the hall. TTK opens the door for me , and I sleep soundly until this voice wakes me up. " You shouldn't be here."

" Woah!" I shout. " Look Pal. I didn't know this room was occupied, I'll just go on."

" Too late!" He shouts " I was finally keeping him inside my brain at night! Now you went and made ma angry by stealing my room! He's coming out!"

Oh great this guy's a nut. I move past him until he falls on the floor and goes into convulsions. I See if he's OK and he gets up all muscly, Not only that but his skin is grey and he's a lot taller than he used to be.

Ya know I once worked with Joe Fixit, Actually he black mailed me. But I didn't know he turned into a little dude. Then I put two , and two together, Little dude turns into a big dude with super strength. "Fixit? your the Hulk ain't ya?"
I ask.

" Yup. An' I'm real grateful that ya let me outta banner's head, But ya still gotta pay fer messin' up my room. So I think a small beatin' oughta cover it. "

"AAAAHHHHH!" is the only thing I can get out before I start running " Tim! Bart! We gotta get outta here now!"

Monday, October 01, 2007

Darkseid on Earth?

I have returned from the battle With the terminators, the Aliens, and Predators. I left Batman, because he wanted to search for Jason who he saw get injured.

Bruce always considered Jason his greatest failure, and sometimes he doesn't think because of it. But if anyone can take care of himself it's the Batman. I took a nap and Lois wakes me up. " Clark You need to see this!"

I yawn. " Lois what did Chris do now ?"

Lois huffs. " It isn't Chris it's his "older brother". Conner joined his little friends on their cross country rampage. "

"Great Krypton! I had better go and stop them. " I sigh. Then my JLA communicator beeps. " Hey Clark" It was John Stewart, " Uglies from Apokalyps have been popping up all over the planet, and Darkseid is in West City. "

" Looks like the Titans will have to wait. " I state.
Lois kisses me . "Be careful."

" Always " I reassure.

the trip to West City takes about a minute, since I don't want to pour on my full speed at inhabited areas. There I find Darkseid bragging as usual. he was holding these silver spheres with stars on them, they kind of look like giant marbles. if I know one thing from all the times I have battled him, if Darkseid has them, they are powerful.

I land in front of him. And command him to leave the planet.

"Arrogant as usual I see." I snort. " Gosh I don't seem to be communicating this effectively how can I make it clearer to you?"

I can think of many ways but the easiest is.

I then ask " Am I getting through to you now?"

" I told you when we had our one on one fight, On that asteroid, a while back, that I would humiliate you through out the Universe, if you didn't leave Earth alone. Looks like I have to make good on that threat. "

" Things have changed Kryptonian." Darkseid announces. " I can have anything I want, But first I believe you should be broken by one of your comrades. Son Goku! Attend your master and rid the world of this filth!"

I'm shocked when I'm attacked by my friend.

And a little surprised to see Batman here. Well maybe not he is workaholic.I see Shield, Superheroes, and a few villains, fighting the gods.

While I knock away Goku who transforms into his fifth super level.

" Superman You couldn't stop Vegeta at Supersaiyan 4 level ! Now here you die!"

I shake my head. " You must really be out of your mind Goku-San.Or you would know, our fight wasn't at full force, neither Vegeta or my self wanted to kill each other, or any person that watched the battle, And you should know that."

I fly into his face and punch him with my full power, windows shatter for miles around. He recovers from his surprise fairly quickly and fires to throw a Kamehameha. I deflect the energy with my heatvision.

Omega beams sear me from behind. while I'm distracted By Darkseid, Goku Kicks me into the street below. Darkseid's grey craggy face smiles. " Now you are where you should be Man of Steel, at my feet!" He stomps my face. " Now we finish him Goku Fire your blast, while I use my Omega Effect, this will finally put Superman, out of my misery forever."

A blast from the horizon knocks Goku off of me, I push Darkseid's foot off of me , in time to see at least a 100 saiyans join the battle , Vegeta floating above. " You owe me one Kal-El. Now Kakarot you Clown! Prepare to kneel to your King!"

i crack my knuckles and grin. " That just leaves you and me Darkseid. "