Thursday, April 23, 2009

I don't understand Conner

Kon has been slacking in his duties as a superhero ... well pretty much since he came back from the dead. Robin has complained to me about it, Wonder Woman has done the same, I thought that after awhile he would get back to his more heroic nature like when he lived in Hawaii.

Okay maybe not like that he kept destroying city blocks when he lived there. But he spends most of his time worrying about his relationships, or just vanishing. Don't get me started on the wrestling obsession he's picked up.

I let it go until he embarrassed me at Barry Allen's return from the dead party.

“Oh man! It's a disaster!” he shouts.

“What is it Conner?" I respond, ready for action.

“That creepy Face guy stole my porn!"

A few days later I was actually proud to hear that Conner fought off an invasion from an alternate universe while I was writing an expose on Intergang, then capturing them three seconds afterwards. That was until I saw what the invaders looked like.

I pondered on the question of where he vanished to at times. If he's dressed as the new Nightwing, and defeating Phantom Zone criminals I could overlook the rest of his slacking, but if he's leaving the Teen Titans without his powers just for some good time...

I didn't think of that anymore for the next few days because I had to save a planet's population who's sun was about to go supernova. Of course as I was doing this Batman was annoying me on the JLA communicator complaining about his kids.

“Nightwing’s’ whiny... Blah blah blah so's Robin... blah Blah blah Batgirl defiled by half saiyan... blah blah... I ignored most of it. Yes Bruce I ignore you! Your not the most important person in everyone’s life other people have problems!

Any way when I returned to Earth I found Match, and Fury in Metroplis abusing some minor league superhero. Blast it! Conner and Wonder Girl should have caught those two weeks ago!

I tell the two clones to stop and Match sneers. “Go away Big Blue Cheese if you know what's good for you."

Where do these people come up with those asinine nick names for me? Before I have a chance to respond the two psychos leap after both of them punching knocking me back

Fury laughs. “You won't hit me Boy Scout!"

I roll my eyes. “If you mean because you're a girl well I make exceptions for sociopaths." I catch her fist before it hits my face Use my supervision to make sue no one's going to get hit by what I do next then pick her up by the arm and smash Mach with her sending him flying into an abandoned slum.

Fury was stunned but I knew it take more to put down Match. He crashes through the rubble for a minute he fights unfocused giving me the advantage until he uses his TK to somehow bend the light around him making him invisible.

“I remember how you couldn't find me when I did this before "pops” this time you will die for hurting Fury."

The last time I was Electric Superman,Yes I know I'd rather forget about that as well ,any way I didn't have my super hearing back then.

So I couldn't hear his heartbeat like I can this time I surprised him with a punch to the jaw, and another one to knock him into the street. “You’re stronger than Conner but me." I say.

In the next second Fury gets her lasso around me. Blast! I underestimated her. She starts explaining about how her lasso disintegrates what it touches, I can feel it start to happen I hate magic I also notice she's using both hands to hold it I blast at her with my Heat vision she blocks the blast with her bracelets releasing the lasso , and just like Diana's when no one is commanding the lasso it has no effect.

“Oh crap!" Fury yells before I fly around her so fast I suck all of the oxygen out of her lungs. Forcing her to pass out. Match charges me screaming, and not thinking again this time he charges straight into a hard right cross that puts out his lights.

The Special Crimes Unit, pick up the two villains after the fight is over and the other superhero seems angry I had helped him, better angry than dead. As I'm about to return to the Daily Planet Wonder Woman calls me.

“Wonder Girl just told me Conner is missing again, and the titans are about to go on a mission..."

“I’ll find him. Superman out."

I listen for his loud voice, and find it outside of my Fortress. When I fly to the scene I find Nightwing (not Richard Grayson) and Flamebird

I think to myself “Ah Conner is the new Nightwing." I choose to think he took the name out of respect for me, and not to annoy Richard. I think this until Conner comes out of the next room. "Okay Chris I'll start teaching you some tricks I learned in Hypertime that you can do with the TTK. Then afterwards I'll show you some of the fightin’ stuff Robin taught me, heck I'll even show ya a little wrestlin'."

Conner? Training someone? The mind boggles. Wait Chris? It couldn't be he's too old. But a scan with Microscopic vision proves that "Nightwing" is Chris Kent. And Conner is actually getting along with him, not only that but he's helping him,

Chris is out of the Phantom Zone... he maybe older; I think I now know How Vegeta feels with two kids grown up at an accelerated rate.

The best part was when Kon said. “Hey the Kent Brothers have to stick together." Looks like my Father's day Present has come early this year.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Battle royal baby!

Okay I'm gonna have a chance to go for the tournament title against Vegeta....

Why in Rao's name am I fighting for this? My old man can barely beat the guy. And Kara gave me a swirlie last week. And the angry super midget already thinks I'm after his daughters. Although Blue haired women are pretty hot... I mean young ones not the old ladies who dye it blue... Oh what was I doing? Oh yeah about to fight in the Boda whazzie never mind.

I wait for the others to come into the ring. I see Cass Cain arguing with some dude. “That’s the only reason you got this far into this tournament is because you're sleeping with that alien."

“You’re jealous..."

“No kidding those damned aliens keeps me about of the Boudakai every year, and now my girlfriend is dating one?"

Cass huffs. “Boyfriend? We went ... for coffee... once Sal... not boyfriend."

Her actual boyfriend shows up. The Sal calls him every name in the book then punches Vince's face. He almost breaks his hand on the half saiyan's face. Vince let it go at that I would a punched him to the moon.

Vince is more mature than me now I'm scared.

Anyway everyone else comes into the ring. I decide to take out Batgirl first because she punched me in the crotch with metal gloves last year, and I ain't lettin' her pull that on me again.

I fly at her at super speed grab her up by the arm, and drop her safely outta the ring. “First elimination! Cassandra Cain! We're how she's out of the ring but she is!

My next target is Mirai Trunks I know he'll probably beat my ass but I want to at least deck that jerk for how he was treating HS, Justice, and Vampirella. Before I land a punch though some one else blindsides me. Damn it its Vincent.

“Well Clone time we end or battles here in at the Boudakai I will beat you without any tricks no Kryptonite no magic rings just my power, and skills. Finally we will finish it"

“Ya know Vince I was never too sure why we started fighting in the first place..." I start before I dodge another shot at my jaw. Then I counter with good old heat vision.

Alien monkey human hybrid things hair really stinks when burned. He freaks out, and turns all hairy , and weird looking

While he was grunting, and yelling with the whole transformation thing I DDT’d into the ring. His head smashed into the stone, and he looked like an ostrich in the sand I laughed, and got blasted by another saiyan damned I forgot there’s a whole bunch of others in this match. He recovers, and I take a kick into the bread basket.

He follows it up with a whole bunch of punches and kicks at super speed. Then something weird happened those power surges returned I blasted Vince with a shot of TK.

I mean real not have to touch it TK. I grin and after he gets up out of the rubble that was the ring. I slam into him making a sonic boom. When he tries to get up A few haymakers knock him back down then I unleash Arctic breathe more powerful; than I've ever used it before encasing the half saiyan in ice.

I grin “touch down!" Wait that's evil future me's catch phrase. No I won’t become him, Tim ain't gonna be gun toting Batman I think Jason's got that role now anyway, Cassie Sandsmark ain't gonna dress like Wonder slut... well there was some good things about the that future... anyway...I'm not becoming that!

Of course while I'm being emo a light shines from the ice and Vince breaks out from it looking like this.

I start laughing "dude ya know like that you look exactly like Trunks."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say as I was I caught a hard uppercut on the chin. When I came too the ref said " 10! Superboy has been eliminated!"

A second or two later Vince lost his blueness and turned to normal he was acting like he was all tired and Knocked out of the ring by his older sister Bra. "(Now her I'd like to wrestle some time) nudge nudge wink wink.

“Ha! You used up all your power on Supes Junior little brother you should have know someone else would have took you down. "

Well we're both out of the tournament. Vince yelled “finally I beat Superboy without tricks or Help! Woo Hoo!"

"Yeah yeah rub in why don't cha?" I groan. If only I could access this extra power when I wanted too I'd have smashed his face to putty.

At this moment Vincent does something weird ... he puts out his hand “Put 'er there pal."

“Eh? What?" I ask.

“You put up a good fight there's no shame but since I finally beat you we can be friends.”

I shake his hand not sure what the hell just happened but if is keeps him from wanting to fight me every few seconds then it's all good. Then Miss Martian Grabs Vella “yeah our teams can stop being meant to each other."

“We were mean to each other?" Vel Asks. “I thought that was just Vince, and Conner, and Spoiler, and Robin have hot and cold running angry at each other but and Inertia was a jerk to everyone... But the rest of us were nice to the Titans Oh well HUGS!"

I grin yes hug each other it's natural..." I smirk. “Now smell each other's hair...."

Wonder Girl elbows me in the ribs. “We are so weaning you off porn Conner."

I was hungry and looked for a food and well. What is wrong with this place...?
They only have cucumber soda to drink... and fried octopus to eat. Ugh!
Vella blasts the octopi.

And I start looking to a Mickey D’s with My Telescopic Vision “HEY CONNER CONNER CONNNER why’d she blast the octopuses? Huh? Huh?"

“Um because things with tentacles are the natural enemy of blue haired girls that are teenagers." pink, and green ones too. I laugh.

“Why?” the insistent Voice asks. Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy?"

“Look Bart I can't tell you things Tim already warned me... Wait Bart?"

I look over and sure enough...

" Hey Conner good to see you didn't get hit in the bad place this year no one wants to win like that.. Oh Man I'm not eating here this place is gross I’m going to Keystone later!"

Did Vincent hit me on the head too hard? Or did I just see Bart?"